DEAR, SHOULD I BUY AN EQUUS?
Went to the Farmer's Insurance Open at Torrey Pines Thursday with my brother-in-law "Village." We always have a good time watching the pros murder the ball like nine-alarm chili and then putt it like melted butter. What talent! We also paid a visit to the pretty girl (Jen) showing off the high-end, Hyundai automobiles. I could tell she was a good sport, so since I had just woofed down a mustard and onions hotdog ($6.00...what a deal!) and we were talking at close range, I asked if she had a mint. She laughed and said she only had 1 Altoid left, but I could have it. She then pulled out this wintergreen Altoid that looks amazingly like a "little blue pill" and offered it to me with a chuckle. I laughed and said, "why of course I'll take it and will report back later if it has any effect!" I thought...this is the making of a good caper for tomorrow...but I'll need help.
The next day, I attended again with MEO, Karen, Village and B-boy. Needless to say, a great time was had by all! We started the day with a few Bloody Marys at the Grey Goose tent and - properly oiled up - set about to surprise "Hyundai Jen." Taking MEO under one arm and Karen under the other (both stunning blondes I must say), I walked up to Jen and said: "hey, remember that blue pill you gave me yesterday? ....well it worked! ...almost too good ...now I have 2 women!" Needless to say, Jen got a good laugh out of that, seeing even more "caper potential" in the situation. She told us that at the next Hyundai display, several hundred yards away, there was a "rookie Hyundai gal" named Kim working her first show ever. Wouldn't it be great if we spoofed Kim? But what to do....hmmm?
We schemed as we walked and decided on a plan. MEO, Karen and myself approached the $70,000 Equus and I immediately started fawning over its beauty, elegance and sophistication, exclaiming, "I love this car!" Naturally "Hyundai Kim" comes over and starts to put the sell on. She was very well trained..."the Equus has front, side, and ceiling air bags...it has a little massager in the steering wheel...it will allow you to listen to Pavarotti on helium over 24 speakers..." She puts me in the driver seat continuing to explain all the details justifying the $70k. Karen jumps in the passenger seat and - playing her role as girlfriend - is supporting and echoing all of my comments..."this is such a GREAT car...you look so good in this car...you must have this car..." MEO, playing the role of cost-conscious wife (not a stretch by any means), is standing outside the driver side trying to quell the enthusiasm..."you already have a nice car...it isn't that old...$70,000 is a lot of money." So naturally "Hyundai Kim" starts working harder..."the Equus is a luxury town-car in Korea...the Equus is sprinkled with fairy-dust...the Equus will extend you life, among other things..." I seize the moment, stepping out of the car, I motion Hyundai Kim over to the side. MEO and Karen are in a mildly, heated debate over my right shoulder. I tell Hyundai Kim..."ahhh, I should tell you, the woman who wants the car is my girlfriend, the one who is against it is my wife...ahhh, and my wife doesn't know about my girlfriend." The look on Kim's face was priceless...she can only stammer, "oh." I then raise the stakes, "which one do you like better?" She looks at me and says, "I like the car." And then going all-in says, "why do you have to choose anyway? ...women have lots of shoes." OMG! I couldn't hold back my laughter. I turned around and brought the girls over for a caper-revealing, group laugh. We had to tell Hyundai Kim that her cohort Jen had put us up to the spoof and she was a good sport through it all. Of course we made a full report to Jen who could only state (off the record)..."why that dirty girl."
Next week I'll probably go to a Hyundai dealership...to look at the Equus of course!